Back in the Saddle

The blogging link in my brain has been broken for quite some time. I guess being in a new relationship, you try to balance all your time between everyone and unfortunately, blogging dropped to the bottom of the list. But I realized the other day...i miss it! i am going to try to start back up again. Make time for it...after all, it is like self therapy :) Where to pick back up: let's see...i met the man of my dreams last september and all has been great! love him to bits! my son is starting soccer this saturday - he's almost 6!!! time flies!! craig's oldest moved to chicago last week...i will miss him! but it was a good opportunity for him and he took it. his youngest lives with us and should be getting his driver's license next year. wow! all these changes! life is weird...you blink and your situation is different...you blink again and it's different again. me? i haven't really done much lately...we took an awesome family vacation about a month ago...i got to go canoing...it was pretty cool! anyhoo - just thought i'd start it back up again :) have a great day! (ps - some of my keys got stuck on my keyboard that's why i have so many capitalization issues going on :))

My Angel

What it means that you're with me
You've changed my world and how I see
The little bits throughout the day
Are colorful, no longer gray

I walk around and think of you
Your perfect eyes and what they do
To my heart, at just the thought
They make my heart beat at a trot

I daydream of our future nights
Your soft, sweet touch as you hold me tight
Your gentle lips, when they touch mine
I get lost in you, I get lost in time

You are my angel, you make me whole
You stole my heart, you fill my soul

Love

What is love? Have you ever tried to truly define it? Every time I ever try to it is just a series of examples or actions or thoughts, never truly a "definition". I figured out why, because it is UNDEFINABLE :) Love is different for everyone and every relationship.

The first time I ever experienced love was when my son was born. Undescribable! I never knew I could love a human being that much! It was amazing, undefinable, the most amazing feeling I've ever known. I want to help him become the best man he can be. I worry about being a good mom. I worry about making the right choices.

That is one kind of love...the mother/child kind of love. Then there is intimate love. I went through 36 of my life thinking I was in love with men, only a few of course. Always insecure in the relationships. Always worried if they loved me. Always trying to be a good woman to men so they would "love" me.

I actually had given up on love and just wanted to be single. It was too much work. Too time consuming, confusing, frustating, emotional (the negative emotions). I always daydreamed about true love though. The way I wanted to be loved and a man who loves the way I love them, enjoys my gestures, accepts me and all my quirks, understands me, enjoys me, appreciates me....and a man who I feel the same way for. A man, who when I think about them, makes my heart melt, who I could look at incessantly, who I would do anythin for, who I always want to be near.

Then, on September 11th of this year...I experienced true love! I found the man of my dreams, who does all the things I hoped for and more! I man whom I love so much I didn't think it was possible. The same way I felt with my son but intimately. It's amazing how all those years I thought I loved until I met Craig and then I realized what love really is---It is undescribable! I have NEVER felt this way about any man in my life!!!

He makes my heart melt! He makes me smile at the thought of him! There is no true definition of this love because words can't define the way I feel for him. I always want to scream out loud how much I love hime!!! He is truly my EVERYTHING! I am madly, deeply in love with this man and the happiest I have ever been!!!

I love you baby!!! With every little piece of me!!

my comments on the "better" poem

You know, life is funny, strange, exciting, and so much more!!! I wrote a poem, not too long ago, about how I wanted to feel about a special someone. At the time, I wrote it on my desires not on any particular person. Here I am, a few weeks later...and I absolutely know who my heart wrote it about :) there is a special someone in my life. I recently met him and have never felt about anyone the way I do about him. It scares the Shit out if me, but anyone who knows me, know fears has never stopped me from anything! Well, maybe skydiving lol! But seriously, I have had a flood of emotions with him that I am truely enjoying! Everything about him is amazing! I know with time I will find the imperfections, we all have them, but I know they make him who he is and his perfections wouldn't be sooooo great without the imperfect bits :) I am so happy I met him and heart melts at the thought of him! I am so excited to see where this goes :)

Anyhoo, good night world!

Your happy, crazy about him, Eleni :)

Better

This is the end of the line
I've crossed it one too many times
Trying to to find you in my darkest of nights
There were days I wasn't lonely
There were days i wasn't scared
Still I knew there was another man out there waiting for me

So I waited
I always waited for someone better
But you're my better baby
And it doesn't get better than you

Lifes been hard and its been rough
I'm like steel and man I'm tough
One thing I know
It could always be worse
And lifes too short to stop and get stuck
So Im always lookin for the better to come

So I waited
I always waited for someone better
But your my better baby
And it doesn't get better than you

Arcane and inspiring
My own thoughts
Move me
To write, read, be better at everything

Always in motion
Be it spiritual or physical
But sometimes very very still
Content with whatever my soul chooses

My body knows no better
With my soul at the helm
To wonder the world
And learn, live, love

To know that I don't know it all
To aspire to learn ad much as I can

To live like there is no tomorrow
To let my soul live it all

To love without expectation of love in return
And let my heart love without walls

I love the way love feels
Through my mind
And my heart
In my hands
And my soul

When I look in someone's eyes
And see their spirit alive